Thursday, August 25, 2011

What Flashpoint did not change

We are less than a week away from the final issue of Flashpoint (and the final issue of the DCU as we know it), and all the regular DCU titles have bid adieu in their own particular way. All that's left is a single issue and then we all press the reboot button and forget about what we have learned, and get ready to enjoy (or hate) a new take on the DC Universe.

And in the midst of it all, the epicenter of this reality/numbering altering event is the event that "will change it all": Flashpoint.

With all of the issues and side-stories of Flashpoint wrapped to a close and only the final issue remaining next week, it seems like a good time to revisit what has Flashpoint taught us (mind you, SPOILERS ahead). In particular, about how even when everything changes, everything stays the same. So here it goes, regardless of the universe the following will stay true:

  •  Hal Jordan will be reckless but Carol will love him to pieces.
  •  Aqualad gets the shaft in all universes. Poor Garth, really.
  •  The Guardians are still mean, methodical, predicable morons.
  •  Some writer, somewhere will yet find a lousy excuse to mess with Wonder Woman's outfit. It won't be pretty. The reason behind it will be horrible.
  •  Atrocitus will have plenty to be angry about.
  •  Anything written by Azzarello or Snyder will be the only things worth reading, everything else will be close to literary toilet paper.
  •  Abin Sur will total a spaceship, and his witness will always be a Hal Jordan of Earth.
  •  Deathstroke, dad of the year.
  •  Plastic man will play a role that is totally forgettable.
  •  Dick Grayson will make an unfortunate fashion choice.
  •  Guy Gardner will have the wisdom of a fortune cookie.
  •  Incredibly powerful beings like Captain Marvel or Martian Manhunter will not use their powers, and will die at the hands of ridiculous lesser beings.
  •  Wayne Manor will be light enough to be built on top of a gigantic hollow cave.
  •  Mera will be the only interesting character from the whole Atlantean race.
  •  Zoom will have beef with the Flash.

But most importantly, nothing will really change. And even when it does, if it's done by a great writer (Snyder, Azzarello, Simone) it will still most likely be really good. Bring it on DCnU, let's se what you got.

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